Self-transformation Program

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​ Instead of internal friction, let’s step forward and create our own future!

​ After five months of the “war of internal friction”, I finally began to realize what I really want, and gradually understand the root cause of internal friction. In today’s social environment, different emotions and values can’t change much, on the contrary, the most important thing is to be down-to-earth.

​ In the past two months, I kept thinking, “Why do I want to go to graduate school?” Is it to improve my skills? Is it to escape reality? Or is it to relieve the pressure of finding a job? In reality, it’s none of these. I realized that I chose to go to graduate school only for vanity, out of contempt for the “graduate school”, once thought it was as simple as from 中专 to undergraduate, memorization, a little understanding is enough. However, the reality hit me hard in the face. Time and time again, I failed to solve the problems and faced with the clueless math problems let me gradually wake up - I am not suitable for graduate school.

​ The first reason for my internal friction was “arrogance”. This may not seem like a big deal to others, but it was a huge stumbling block in my mind. On the one hand, I don’t want to be that kind of arrogant person, but on the other hand, I want to be that kind of person. Whenever I am stuck in the endless loop of short videos, I always feel very empty, and when I am studying, I can occasionally surpass those who have studied longer than me, so why don’t I try hard when others try hard? Why am I addicted to my cell phone and games when others are trying? These questions are always on my mind.

​ The second reason for internal conflict is “laziness”. It is often said that laziness is part of human nature, but my laziness is different from others. While others’ laziness is often short-lived, and then they are still able to accomplish things with a clear goal, my laziness seems to be an endless cycle, and I’m often too lazy to think, too lazy to act, or even too lazy to change myself, and I’m afraid that what I remembered today, I’ll forget tomorrow.

​ So it’s time to change myself, even if I can’t get into graduate school, it doesn’t matter, even if I can’t find my ideal job, it doesn’t matter, I just need to do well for myself, accomplish the small goals in front of me, and then it’s not too late to chase bigger goals in the future. In the next few days, I’m going to start from my daily life, and gradually improve myself. Not only in study and work, life I will also spend more time with my parents, cherish the time with them.

​ Going back to what the title says, instead of constantly internal friction myself, I do change myself on the ground, so do not stop yourself start it step by step and keep going